то что Барт пишет на доске в начале каждого эпизода: * I will not instigate revolution * I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment * I saw nothing unusual in the teachers lounge * Goldfish dont bounce * The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan * No one cares what my definition of is is * The President did it is not an excuse * I cant see dead peopleSeason 1 * I will not waste chalk * I will not skateboard in the halls * I will not burp in clas * I will not instigate revolution * I will not draw naked ladies in clas * I did not see Elvis * I will not call my teacher Hot Cakes * Garlic gum is not funny * They are laughing at me, not with me * I will not yell Fire in a crowded clasroom Season 2 * I will not encourage others to fly * I will not fake my way through life * Tar is not a plaything * I will not Xerox my butt * Its potato, not potatoe * I will not trade pants with others * I am not a 32 year old woman * I will not do that thing with my tongue * I will not drive the principals car * I will not pledge allegiance to Bart * I will not sell school property * I will not cut corners * I will not get very far with this attitude * I will not make flatuent noises in clas * I will not belch the National Anthem * I will not sell land in Florida * I will not grease the monkey bars * I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment * I will not do anything bad ever again * I will not show off (written in Olde English style font) * I will not sleep through my education Season 3 * I am not a dentist * Spitwads are not free speech * Nobody likes sunburn slappers * High explosives and school dont mix * I will not bribe Principal Skinner * I will not squeak chalk (Chalk squeaks as he writes) * I will finish what I sta * Bart Bucks are not legal tender * I will not fake rabies * Underwear should be worn on the inside * The Christmas Pageant does not stink * I will not torment the emotionally frail * I will not carve gods * I will not spank others * I will not aim for the head * I will not barf unles Im sick * I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty * I saw nothing unusual in the teachers lounge * I will not conduct my own fire drills * Funny noises are not funny * I will not spin the turtle * I will not snap bras * I will not fake seizuresSeason 4 * This punishment is not boring and pointles * My name is not Dr. Death * I will not defame New Orleans * I will not prescribe medication * I will not bury the new kid * I will not teach others to fly * I will not bring sheep to clas * A burp is not an answer * Teacher is not a leper * Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes les and les legible; the last line is a scrawl) * I will not eat things for money * I will not yell Shes Dead during roll call * The principals toupee is not a Frisbee * I will not call the principal spud head * Goldfish dont bounce * Mud is not one of the 4 food groups * No one is interested in my underpants * I will not sell miracle cures * I will return the seeing-eye dog * I do not have diplomatic immunity * I will not charge admision to the bathroomSeason 5 * I will never win an Emmy * The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy * All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy * I will not say Springfield just to get applause * I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers * My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man * I will not go near the kindergarten turtle * I am not delightfully saucy * Organ transplants are best left to the profesionals * The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan * I will not celebrate meaningles milestones * There are plenty of busineses like show busines * I will not re-transmit without the expres permision of Major League Baseball * Five days is not too long to wait for a gunSeason 6 * Beans are neither fruit nor musical * I will not use abbrev. * I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. * I will not send lard through the mail * I will not disect things unles instructed * I will not whittle hall pases out of soap * Ralph wont morph if you squeeze him hard enough * Adding just kidding doesnt make it okay to insult the Principal * Bagman is not a legitimate career choice * Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does * Next time it could be me on the scaffolding * I will not hang donuts on my person * I will remember to take my medication * I will not strut around like I own the place * The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far * I do not have power of attorney over first graders * Nerve gas is not a toy * I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface * The First Amendment does not cover burping * This is not a clue...or is it?Season 7 * I will not complain about the solution when I hear it * Bewitched does not promote Satanism * No one wants to hear from my armpits * I am not a lean mean spitting machine * The boys room is not a water park * Indian burns are not our cultural heritage * Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things * I will only do this once a year (referring to clip shows) * I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist * I am not certified to remove asbestosSeason 8 * I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten * I am not my long-lost twin * The truth is not out there * I am not licensed to do anything * I will not hide the teachers Prozac * A fire drill does not demand a fireSeason 9 * I no longer want my MTV * Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story * I did not invent Irish dancing * I will not tease Fatty * There was no Roman god named Farticus * Rudolphs red nose is not alcohol-related * Shooting paintballs is not an art form * Pain is not the cleanser * Silly String is not a nasal spray * I was not told to do this * My butt does not deserve a website * I will not demand what Im worth * I will not mes with the opening credits (This appeared in place of the couch opening; the rest of the family runs into the clasroom) * I am not the new Dalai Lama * I was not the inspiration for KramerSeason 10 * I will not file frivolous lawsuits * butt.butt is not my E-mail addres * No one cares what my definition of is is * I will not scream for ice cream * I am not a licensed hairstylist * The President did it is not an excuse * My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld * Sherri does not got back * I will not do the Dirty Bird * No one wants to hear about my sciatica * Hillbillies are people too * Grammar is not a time of waste * It does not suck to be you * I cannot absolve sins * A trained ape could not teach gym * Loose teeth dont need my help * I have neither been there nor done that * I am so very tiredSeason 11 * Fridays are not pants optional * Pork is not a verb * I am not the last Don * I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize * I wont not use no double negatives * I cant see dead people * I will not sell my kidney on eBay

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